Ipsus belongs to my daughter’s fiancé. He is three years old. I asked Jeff how he chose him among 12 puppies a farmer was giving away.
“Because he responded to the sound I was making.” Jeff made the sound of kissing loud three times.
I sat down and massaged Ipsus all over. When, I stood up, he passed through between my legs and went round and round in circle.
“Look, look, what he is doing?!” I’m so excited.
“He does that when he likes someone,” my daughter said.
I made three kissing noises to Ipsus.
“You know Ipsus gets seizure,” Jeff said.
“I didn’t know dogs get seizure like humans. I wonder what causes it.”
“Someone said it’s because of depression.”
“Doctors cannot find a cure.”
Then later on when I was alone with Ipsus, he started to make a banging noise as though he was scratching his own body. I looked down. He seemed unaware of what he was doing. He kept making the noise. I called Jeff, but he was out. I called my daughter. She came, knelt down, and wrapped her arms around his neck in a loose way. The shaking stopped, but his body became like a rock with his knees all extended. 10 or 20 seconds or so later, he began hitting his body against a leg of the desk. I rushed to their bedroom and picked up a crochet blanket and inserted between Ipsus and the leg of the desk.
Soon he became quiet. We kept talking, and before we knew it, he was okay.
I wasn’t planning this trip for a personal reason. It was the last moment thing because a dear friend of mine offered me to drive down there for one day trip. She is the mother of my daughter’s good friend since high school. One day is okay I thought. Probably it would do me good. I still have Sunday to think it over and make another call. Perhaps, I can muster my courage and resolve this problem for once and for all on Sunday.
One thing led other, and the friend and I ended up staying at a motel. Probably I should have made it clear to her that I wanted one day trip or else I didn’t want to go. I couldn’t say no, but sometimes I could neither make a yes motion. I don’t know if one extra unscheduled day made a difference. But now it is dead clear to me that I am a coward. I can’t do the things I don’t want to do even though I should.
One thing I’m sure is I can’t escape from my cowardice. It remains.
Thank you, Ipsus.