Monday, September 19, 2011


Ipsus belongs to my daughter’s fiancé.  He is three years old.  I asked Jeff how he chose him among 12 puppies a farmer was giving away.  

“Because he responded to the sound I was making.”  Jeff made the sound of kissing loud three times. 

I sat down and massaged Ipsus all over.  When, I stood up, he passed through between my legs and went round and round in circle. 

“Look, look, what he is doing?!”   I’m so excited.

“He does that when he likes someone,” my daughter said.

I made three kissing noises to Ipsus.

“You know Ipsus gets seizure,” Jeff said.

“I didn’t know dogs get seizure like humans.  I wonder what causes it.”

“Someone said it’s because of depression.”

“But dogs?”

“Doctors cannot find a cure.”

Then later on when I was alone with Ipsus, he started to make a banging noise as though he was scratching his own body.  I looked down.  He seemed unaware of what he was doing.  He kept making the noise.  I called Jeff, but he was out.  I called my daughter.  She came, knelt down, and wrapped her arms around his neck in a loose way.  The shaking stopped, but his body became like a rock with his knees all extended.  10 or 20 seconds or so later, he began hitting his body against a leg of the desk.  I rushed to their bedroom and picked up a crochet blanket and inserted between Ipsus and the leg of the desk.

Soon he became quiet.  We kept talking, and before we knew it, he was okay.
I wasn’t planning this trip for a personal reason.  It was the last moment thing because a dear friend of mine offered me to drive down there for one day trip.   She is the mother of my daughter’s good friend since high school.  One day is okay I thought.  Probably it would do me good.  I still have Sunday to think it over and make another call.  Perhaps, I can muster my courage and resolve this problem for once and for all on Sunday.  

One thing led other, and the friend and I ended up staying at a motel.  Probably I should have made it clear to her that I wanted one day trip or else I didn’t want to go.  I couldn’t say no, but sometimes I could neither make a yes motion.  I don’t know if one extra unscheduled day made a difference.  But now it is dead clear to me that I am a coward.  I can’t do the things I don’t want to do even though I should.

One thing I’m sure is I can’t escape from my cowardice.  It remains. 

Thank you, Ipsus.


keiko amano said...

I tried to correct the white background for the text, but I couldn't find out how to fix it. If readers know, please let me know.

Vincent said...

I don't know, because I haven't learned CSS (though helping my daughter learn it).

But if you look through the html of your template, you will see this couple of lines (substitute pointy brackets for the square ones):

[Variable name="content.background.color" description="Main Background" type="color" default="#ffffff"/]
[Variable name="header.background.color" description="Header Background" type="color" default="transparent"/]

I suggest you change the "#ffffff" (white) to "transparent" and see what happens. If not that line then put it back and try another, till it works then save it.

keiko amano said...


Thank you very much!!!
It worked!

I never used html tab. I should have looked into it. It's like old script which I used to debug for a former colleague even though I didn't learn script.

FYI, it said "background-color," so I changed "white" to "clear." It's simple and I like it. I hope everything is as simple as this. The problem is why it suddenly changed.

Rebb said...

Keiko, Ipsus is beautiful. He reminds me of my significant other's cousin's dog that went with us on a camping trip. I recognized she was a border collie mix. He said she was mixed with lab. Shadow is her name. A nice girl. She looks similar to Ipsus.

Well, Keiko...In my mind you are far from a coward, but I understand that you feel that way. I have moments where I feel like a coward too.

Glad that you and Ipsus got along.

keiko amano said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
keiko amano said...


I wonder if there is possibility of Shadow and Ipsus being brother and sister. Please take a photo of her next time and let me see. If you don't blog about her, please send it to my email. Silly me. I'm thinking of introducing Shadow to Ipsus at next opportunity. Ipsus is a nice boy, too.

About coward, I think I'm not on something usually most people are, and I am for something usually most people are not. I don't know why.

Rebb said...

Keiko, That would be something if they were brother and sister. I might have a photo of her from camping but I’m not sure if it came out. She moved and it was very blurry. I’m on my other computer, but when I find the photo, I will send it to you or even post it.

I have to laugh at some of the things that make me feel like a coward.

ZACL said...

Cowardice............nonsense! Family things are not that. There are special ties, the bonds that make you special to your family and them, special to you. You would find it easier to be 'firm' with non-family because you do not have those extraordinary emotional connection with non-family.

Ipso is a super looking dog, such a lovely shiny coat. He is well cared for. Yes dogs do fit, so do other animals. Your description of the fit sounds similar to epilepsy and it sounds like you all took the right actions.

keiko amano said...


Yes, I'd like to see the photo of the dog.

It's good that we are aware of our cowardice. But this particular one, I'd like to overcome. I'll let you know when I do. I'm coward to tell you what it is because most people might say it's silly.

keiko amano said...


I guess cowardice is a human condition. To look at from writing point of view, it is needed in a way. Sighs.

Thank you for stopping by.

ZACL said...

I wonder if cowardice is the right descriptive word for what you feel. There is obviously love.

Rebb said...

Keiko, I posted the photo of the dog on my blog.

Yes, I guess it’s good we are aware of our cowardice. I noticed that at certain times, I push myself and little by little, I confront my cowardice. Cowardice is all about fear and self-consciousness—how we and other’s view us—it seems. I also suppose that when we’re ready, we will cross over out of fear. Anytime you want to share your cowardice or overcoming it, feel free. We will not think you’re silly. Did you ever notice that it’s easy for us as individuals to think ourselves silly, but we often don’t think other’s silly. We are more open and forgiving of others for actions we ourselves do.

keiko amano said...


About cowardice, it's so true. I'm working on it.

I'll visit your dog post shortly.

ZACL said...

This sounds more like about expanding our confidence zones, little by little. I wholeheartedly support that.


keiko amano said...

Thank you, ZACL. I'm like a snail or turtle in speed. I should have been born in Heian period.